The Divine Work of Parenting

I think it's my turn to start a conversation. Sorry it took me so long. Boy, does life get busy sometimes.

The message that struck me most powerfully during this last General Conference was "Follow the Prophet". There were so many good talks on this topic, but the one that stood out most was Elder Oaks' talk "Two Lines of Communication". He described very eloquently the two essential channels through which our Father in Heaven communicates with us, His children, while in mortality.

First, we have the priesthood line. God speaks through His chosen prophet to guide the work of His church and to bring all to a unity of the faith. Second, we have the personal line. God speak directly to each one of us through the Holy Ghost so that we each gain personal knowledge and testimony of the truth. Both methods are vital and must function in proper balance, or problems arise. If one is too dependant on church leaders, no matter how righteous, their own spiritual growth suffers. If one is too dependant on personal inspiration, they may find themselves at odds with the work that God is directing through His church and its leaders.

As I pondered this message, it occurred to me that these principles would apply not only in matters of churchwide priesthood leadership, but also at a Stake and Ward and Quorum and Auxillary level as well. As I pondered further, I came to see how this applies also in the family. As parents, we must inspire our children to be faithful in the church and "follow the prophet". And, to the extent that we are in harmony with the gospel, our children should trust in our counsel. In this way we function as the priesthood line in our homes. But we must always remember how important it is to make sure our children are developing strong, individual testimonies as they grow in understanding how to apply the principles of revelation through the personal line.

Elder Bednar explained how we can encourage the personal spiritual growth of our children in his April Conference talk "Watching with All Perseverance". One of the three topics he addressed was "Inviting Children to Act". Elder Bednar noted that we have all been given the gift of agency and are intended to act, and not be acted upon. "The spiritual understanding you and I have been blessed to receive, and which has been confirmed as true in our hearts, simply cannot be given to our children. The tuition of diligence and of learning by study and also by faith must be paid to obtain and personally 'own' such knowledge. Only in this way can what is known in the mind also be felt in the heart. Only in this way can a child move beyond relying upon the spiritual knowledge and experiences of parents and adults and claim those blessings for himself or herself. Only in this way can our children be prepared spiritually for the challenges of mortality."

We need to allow our children to learn to exercise agency while still in the home. Then, when they do venture out on their own, they are prepared with strong personal testimonies and experiences having chosen to do good. But allowing our children to make independent choices can be hard to do. I have seen good intentioned parents who sincerely want the best for their children govern their homes with a "you will do what I say" mentality and establish rules controlling virtually every aspect of their children's lives. I have also seen parents who take a hands off attitude, claiming "It's their life" and letting their children do whatever they want with virtually no help from their parents. Obviously, a proper balance must occur between our influence as parents and allowing our children to independently exercise their agency.

An example from the scriptures helps me understand how to acheive this proper balance. In Ether 2 we read of the brother of Jared constructing vessels to cross the great waters. He needed to light the vessels and he came to the Lord for instruction. In this instance, the Lord decided to let the brother of Jared exercise his own agency instead of telling him exactly what to do. But, the Lord did not leave the brother of Jared completely on his own. Instead, he created a framework within which the brother of Jared could make a wise choice. The Lord specified that he was not to use windows or take fire with him. The brother of Jared then chose to use glowing rocks, which fit the requirements given by the Lord, and the Lord honored his choice.

As we follow this example as parents, we should create guidelines within which we are willing to accept any choice our children make. If our guidelines are too narrow, no real choice is left to our children; too broad, and they are not sufficiently protected from danger. Once appropriate guidelines are in place, we need to genuinely accept the choices of our children, even if it isn't exactly what we would have chosen for them. And throughout the process we must offer wise and righteous counsel to our children. By doing so, our children will gain confindence as they learn to exercise their agency appropriately. They will also grow to trust our counsel as parents.